This Week on TV, May 30, 2015

Spoiler Alert!

Oh, iZombie, iZombie, wherefore art thou, iZombie, so alone?

Seriously, it may only be a couple weeks, but seeing iZombie so alone, the last show standing from my lineup, is kind of like seeing that lone survivor amidst a deserted city, completely emptied out by the zombie apocalypse.



So, Scott E., Major’s crazy, “Zombie’s are real,” friend from the loony bin, is this week’s victim, and evidence suggests it was murder staged to look like a suicide, so Liv eats his brain. And proceeds to hallucinate the devil talking to her.

And I am now officially terrified of actually going insane sometime. I mean, when you can’t trust your own senses, your own rational mind, is there anything you can trust?

In addition to having every cartoon “devil” talking to her, distracting her at inopportune times, she hallucinates the weather guy, Johnny Frost, talking her through her independent investigation. That’s a rather urgent investigation, mind you, because one of Scott E’s old drug running friends is none other than Blaine.

Oh, three guess who visited Scott E. in the loony bin, under the name “John Deaux.” Cute, Blaine. Very witty.

Blaine actually is pretty smart about the way he does business. Liv mentions how Scott E. was certain there were zombies running around the city, and had a video from Lake Washington to prove it. This would be when Blaine came in looking for Ravi’s potential zombie cure, and Liv contemplated poisoning Blaine, but decided against it. After all, there’s no guarantee of some chemical killing a zombie, and if it doesn’t kill them, there’s no telling what it would do instead. After all, they became zombies by fluke of an unlikely chemical concoction. Best not to play with the devil. Killing the devil is fine, as long as you know it’ll work, but playing with them is far too risky. And I digress.

When Blaine hears of the video, he goes and torches Scott E’s place with Julien. Unlike Liv and Major, in their unrelated searches, Blaine just wants the video destroyed, not found. He thinks very well in terms of ruthless efficiency. Instead of wasting time in a fruitless search, he just burns everything. However, while Blaine is smart, he doesn’t really think outside the box. Liv, guided by Scott E’s brain, which is definitely good for thinking outside the box, finds the orderly who stole his phone, intending to pawn it.

Clive brings him in for theft and drug possession with intent to sell, and it turns out Scott E’s attractive, older-lady doctor gave him the drugs to keep him quiet. She and Scott E were keeping each other very close company, and as he was also keeping company with another patient who saw herself as a minion of the devil, he was apparently a player, crazy or no crazy. Small detail: she specifically wanted to get pregnant, and tell her husband it was his. But Scott E was emphatic about not being a father, to the point where he threatened her: either abort the baby or he tells everyone everything. So, she killed him.

Sheesh, how would that be for an origin story? Poor future kid.

Meanwhile, as the murder is solved, Liv finds herself beset with more problems. In addition to hallucinating the weather guy as her guide, she hallucinates Major staying over, having dinner with her, kissing her, and receiving her zombie confession far better and more easily than any mortal ever would. In short, for just a moment, before realizing the truth that this version of Major is just a figment of her imagination, Liv actually had just a little bit of hope. And then the soul-crushing moment when she realizes it was just a dream, a phantom with no substance to it whatsoever.

Even worse, as her hope vanishes, it is replaced by overwhelming horror. When Liv gets into Scott E’s phone, she sees his video of the zombie-fueled massacre at Lake Washington. She sees the carnage, and she sees the first time she ever ate brains. The horror terror of that night, and of her transformation, comes back and hits her straight in the gut.

And because things still haven’t gotten bad enough for her just yet, the real Major shows up. Liv was the first one to Scott E’s place, but Major wasn’t that far behind, and he just barely avoided being seen by Blaine and Julien. Hiding in their car trunk, he follows his enemies to their lair, the butcher shop. Seeing how they apparently run it, the horrible truth dawns on him. It all makes sense, if he accepts something which should not be possible, something which should be crazy: zombies are real, and harvesting brains to eat from people off the streets like they were cattle, including two of the kids he swore to protect.

Blaine has apparently gone with that idea of letting his zombies special order the brains of celebrities, like, say, astronauts. Having obtained one, likely the first of many if they has way, Blaine and his cronies prepare it all nice and posh and fancy, selling bites to their richest clients (or, rather, their richest extortion victims) for a lot of money. But just as Blaine is gloating about this, not only his wealth but his influence, his courier comes running in, panicked. He was gone for just a second, and a huge portion of this expensive product has been stolen.

Blaine vents his frustrations by “killing” his minion, but as he’s a zombie, jabbing a knife in his neck barely fazes him. Blaine is going to be out for blood and brains.

Major, the thief in question, shows up at Liv’s door with the stolen product. He tells her that he knows zombies are real, he has proof, and he’s going to kill them all. That last is actually said to try and reassure her that the zombies won’t get her. It does not have the desired effect.

Liv just can’t catch a break today, can she?

Ravi, on the other hand, is catching loads of breaks. One, he’s dating Peyton, which is like winning the lottery a million times. Two, his attempt to set Blaine up to be killed does not go as planned, and this is good because, if it had, Liv would have gone with him. Three, just as he’s running out of material to experiment with, his zombie rat has apparently been cured. He has the template for a zombie cure.

This is massive.

This is also something that must be kept absolutely secret from Blaine. In his hands, anything is a weapon of murder. If he learns how possible it might be for his extorted zombies, such as Lieutenant Suzuki, to become human again, there goes his business, his money, his influence. To protect that, he will kill Ravi, and Liv, and burn everything. Then again, Liv and Ravi could also use it to cure Blaine, and permanently kill him.

Oh, what if they hijacked Blaine’s deliveries, laced them with the zombie cure, then delivered them, curing the entire population all at once? Granted, that still leaves Sebastian roaming around out there, crazy and feral, but one apocalypse at a time.

So: Major knows about zombies, but not Liv, and is trying to take down Blaine…
…while Liv knows about Blaine, but not where his lair is, which Major knows, and is trying to take him down…
…while Ravi knows about Liv and Blaine, and tried helping Liv take him down and fortunately failed, and has also found the solution to the larger problem, and to really taking Blaine down…
…while Blaine knows he has enemies, and is looking to take them down first.

Yeah, nothing complicated here, is there?

Oh, and Clive, who has seen Blaine in his shop and has come unwittingly close to dying, is stumbling around the danger while working with a temporarily-insane colleague.

I think I’ve mentioned how the best finales take their characters and put them in a shrinking box. They seem to already be doing that.

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